If You Leave
by Soulmate Ficwriter
Summary: Seven years have seen Jasper and Edward through college and law school, the best of friends.  Always only friends until the eve of Edward's departure to take a job on the other side of the country.  Feelings change.  Is it too late?


**This was my entry into the FB Slashwriter's Workshop Pic contest. The pic was of a man leaning over a railing, down to his lover who is clutching his hand against his face lovingly. This image will make another appearance in a later chapter.**

**I also found inspiration in music as always, in an all-time favorite song of mine that was written for one of my favorite movies as a teenager. **_**If You Leave**_** by **_**Orchestral Menoeuvres in the Dark - **_**from the movie**_** Pretty in Pink.**_

**And of course you know that harritwifan played an integral role in the completion of this story. First with her unwavering support to enter the contest and then with her amazing beta services at the last minute, literally, when I finally finished writing it. Thank you as always most motibational beta! (Yes, "b" instead of "v"!)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. This story contains boy/boy lovin' of all sorts so please do not read if you don't like that sort-of thing. And you must be 18!**

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><p>Prompt - #11<p>

Penname - marriedmyedward

Word Count – 3490

Pairing – Jasper/Edward

Summary – Seven years have seen Jasper and Edward through college and law school, the best of friends. Always only friends until the eve of Edward's departure to take a job on the other side of the country, the night before he leaves when feelings change and attraction develops into something they both might not be able to live without.

**If You Leave**

**Ch. 1 – I'll Touch You Once**

**J pov**

We should be packing but instead we reminisce. Edward is leaving tomorrow to start his dream position in New York. We just graduated from Stanford Law and he's following his dreams. I'm staying here. I've joined a small practice in nearby San Francisco to stay close to my mama, of whom I refuse to relocate again with her failing health. She already uprooted once to follow me here from Texas.

I find myself mesmerized by the sight of him as he takes swigs from his Newcastle in between fits of laughter, remembering some of our antics as undergraduates. Unexpectedly in awe of his beauty, it hits me like a ton of bricks. _ He_ hits me like a ton of bricks in the stomach- among other parts of my anatomy.

Of course, I've always known that he is gorgeous. I mean, _everyone _knows that Edward is gorgeous. I doubt that anyone, man nor woman, has set eyes on him and escaped the need to look twice. At least.

But his beauty has never affected me like this, suddenly causing warmth to pool in my hardening dick, and an unsettling ache to bloom in my chest. Although we are both gay, we've always just been friends, seeing each other through various failed relationships and the hell that has been law school. But never anything more. I've never felt anything more than friendship for him. Until now.

Why now? Why, when he's leaving tomorrow, for good, for New York? An insurmountable distance for anything but old friendship between us? Why do I choose now to want him in a different way? In this new way?

Too late, I realize his laughter has subsided. He stares back at me, mirroring my pensive gaze. Too many things hang between us, in this silent conversation that we are not having. I bolt off the couch, to the kitchen for another beer… nothing another beer can't cure, right? I'm just emotional because he's leaving. He's been like my right arm for seven years. Of course I'm going to miss him. That's all that this is.

So then, why am I trembling? I am… I'm fucking trembling, and it's not due to the fact that I stand here in front of the open refrigerator. No… I'm trembling from quite the opposite sensation. From heat. From his all-encompassing heat, as he now stands just behind me. I can feel him there as a tear trickles down my cheek.

His hands find my shoulders. Squeezing, reassuring. Permeating me with his warmth. His voice is but a whisper, but I hear him loud and clear. "I'm going to miss you, too, Jasper. So fucking much."

I should turn around. I know this. I want to turn around so badly; I need to. And I should. But I don't.

I can't face this tonight for him to leave me with it tomorrow.

Yet I force myself to take deep breaths. I rally. I can do this. Whatever this is…

But he is gone by the time I work up the nerve to face him. His bedroom door closes and he doesn't emerge for fifteen minutes. When he does, his eyes are puffy and red as they meet my concerned gaze, both of us trying to smile, both of us failing miserably. We don't say a word. We just stare until whatever this is that is brewing between us becomes too much for me to bear. So I force myself to act as if it doesn't exist. Because it doesn't. It can't. Nothing can exist between us. Our friendship will be lucky to survive. He leaves tomorrow regardless of what happens tonight.

The tense atmosphere of the rest of the evening prevents the send-off I'd hoped, but we somehow manage to finish packing. The mutual pensive mood takes its toll on both of us and becomes too much for me to take. I've got to get out of here. I'm terrible at goodbyes and saying goodbye to Edward is just about to kill me. I'd thought I'd see him off in the morning, but it might be best if we just get this over with now.

"I'm gonna head, let you get some rest for your trip."

He looks surprised. He looks hurt at my sudden announcement.

"So the movers will be here Tuesday? I'll make sure your things get on the truck safely. I've got your back. I'll always have your back."

He doesn't answer me. He just stares at me as if I've grown a second head or something. And then he is walking toward me. Stalking, really. Stalking toward me, where I've already begun to make my way toward the door, desperately trying to escape the new feelings raging through me that have no fucking time and no fucking place in this here and now. He's leaving. He will not be here for me to love like this. Or to do the things that I now so desperately want to do. That I need to. Because I need him.

He stops just in front of me, the emotions on his face mirroring my own. But he shows me more. He shows me acceptance of what is happening between us. He shows me surrender to what we must do.

"Don't leave now, Jasper. Just tonight. We'll go our separate ways tomorrow, but we still have tonight."

He states this matter-of-factly. He doesn't ask. He simply takes, first my face into his strong hands, caressing with soothing fingers. Then my quivering lips within his, open and wet. Claiming mine as his tongue slips between them, into my opening mouth, against my asking tongue. And I'm moaning at the raw need for him bubbling from deep within. From a place that I didn't know existed inside me until this very moment.

His arms slip down my arms, around my back, pulling me closer. Melding to his, my body caves to him, giving him everything, anything he asks. I am his to do with what he pleases. And thankfully he pleases to pull me down the hall to his bedroom. He means to take me to his bed. And while my head yells, "Stop. You can't do this. Not now," my heart murmurs, "Yes. This is right. It's now or never." But my body screams, begs for his touch, for whatever I can have of him, and for however long I can have it.

We very slowly stumble toward our destination, grasping and groping, kissing mouths and necks and shoulders along the way. Piece by piece our clothing is dropped along our path. By the time we finally make it near the foot of his bed we are both completely naked. And it's the most natural feeling in the world being naked here with him like this. As if we've done this a thousand times. But we haven't. Although we should have.

His bedroom is barren with newly lonely walls, the pictures having been carefully removed, wrapped and packed by my very own hands mere hours earlier. A glimpse of the stacked boxes in the corner snaps me back to my senses, momentarily releasing me from the lust induced haze his kisses have wrapped me in. What am I doing? What are _we_ doing? Why are we starting something that we will not have a chance to finish?

He senses my indecision, my hesitancy.

I sense his unwavering need for me, for this - for tonight.

Begging for me, he whispers pleas against my lips, along my jaw, beneath my ear.

"Stay with me, Jasper."

"I need you tonight."

"Please stay."

"Please say you will."

I can't refuse him this. I don't think I could refuse him anything. So tonight I'll give him my body, my heart, my soul. And tomorrow I'll deal with the consequences.

"Tonight I am yours," I murmur into his hair.

"Thank you… I need you. I need this."

He slowly drops to his knees before me, kissing his way from each nipple, down my abdomen, until he is finally right where I need him to be so badly. He grasps the cheeks of my ass to draw me as close to him as possible, nuzzling his face tenderly between my erection and where my groin meets my leg, inhaling deeply and groaning in appreciation at the essence he finds there.

"Fuck, Jasper… you smell so good, baby."

My fingers tangle in his tousled hair, finding his scalp to hold him in place as his hand skims up my inner thigh, finding my balls that are already aching so sweetly for release. A release I predict will outshine any other I've experienced before, brought on by this amazing man before me that is already playing my body as if he's touched me a thousand times and knows exactly what I need.

I watch him intently as I practically gasp for each breath, grazing his cheek along my shaft is as mesmerizing in sight as in its decadent sensation. He pulls enough away to finally really look at me there, at my rigid cock leaking for him. He seems to like what he sees, a low guttural moan escaping his chest just as he licks the pre-cum dripping from its tip, causing me to jerk at the hot moist feel of him there.

Against my own will, my hands pull his head to where I need him and he knows what I ask, opening so wide and engulfing my cock within his giving mouth until I'm hitting the back of his throat. Fuck, he feels so good, his mouth feels so right as he begins an amazing technique unique to him, sucking and pulling, up then back down, swirling his tongue with just the right pressure, in just the right spot, like nothing I've ever experienced before. He has me cumming down his throat before I know what's hit me, helpless to the intensity of my climax. Once he has swallowed every drop and licked me clean, he lays my shaky form on the bed, holding me in his arms until I come down from the high he has so lovingly given me. I feel his cock so hard against my leg, mine already filling again with need for his touch.

We lay kissing in each other's arms. First slowly and sensually, learning the feel of each other's lips and tongue, each other's body as we caress and explore. We discover responses, like the mewling noise he makes when I suck on his tongue.

Gradually our kisses become urgent and desperate, Edward moaning into my mouth with each grind of his erection against me. And I realize that I want to make him cum this first time by him making love to me. Inside me. This revelation shocks me at first. I prefer to top. Insist on it, usually. But with Edward, I need him to make love _to_ me. I want to give him myself completely, tonight. Before he leaves. I want him to know how I now feel about him and how important he has been to me these past seven years.

"Make love to me, Edward?"

His grinding stops as he props up on one elbow to search my eyes. I see happiness in his, but also uncertainty and surprise. He knows how strongly I prefer to top. He knows this is a big deal.

"Are you sure, Jas? I just thought I would for you. I haven't in a while, but I will bottom for you if that would be better…"

"No, Edward. Please. I need you inside me, please?"

"Yes…" is his only verbal reply, for his lips are quickly on mine, once more telling me in his own way of how much my offer, of how much my need for him means.

He reaches toward his bedside table, stopping once he has opened the drawer, sighing and cursing.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing really, no big deal. I packed the lube and condoms but their just in my suitcase. Stay still, baby… I'll be right back."

The little bit he is gone is too long, just long enough for our reality to hit me once more. His lube and condoms are packed, because his everything is packed, because he is moving away tomorrow. For good.

I can't contain a few of the many tears that fight to break free. He finds me with them slipping down my cheek. He kisses them away, silently asking if this is still okay. If we should make love when we so soon have to say good bye? I silently answer by taking the bottle of lube from him, opening it, then his hand, to dribble the liquid there.

His sigh of reprieve gives him away, how scared he was that I'd changed my mind. How badly he needs me.

He so carefully prepares me, fingers relaxing my hole while the other gently strokes my length back to hard and needing. Between my legs he positions himself, kissing my lips, my cheeks, my chest. His lips don't leave my body for more than a second at a time as he positions his cock at my entrance, his quite substantial cock that I'm not sure how my body will receive. But of course it is perfect. He is perfect. Even the pain and the burn are perfect as he reaches so deep inside me, stretching my body to fit his. The pain mirrors the one in my heart as a piece tears off and transfers to him. The piece that he will take with him. That will always be his.

But soon the pain subsides and he is moving in and out, gently but relentlessly, his hands cupping my head as mine grasp the cheeks of his ass. He drives into me over and over again, just barely grazing my most sensitive spot at first. It feels so good, but not nearly enough and he knows. He knows I'll surely loose it and cum again when he hits there directly, so he waits until he is panting and moaning, trembling in my arms. Then he hikes up my legs on his shoulders and thrusts upwards just right, slamming me there, sending chills throughout my body until we are both cumming. Together. Him deep inside me, filling the condom. Me, between our stomachs and all over our chests. God, I wish he'd been fucking me all along. I didn't know what I was missing. What we were missing. But we have the rest of tonight. All night and into the morning. And we're going to experience this again as many times as my tender bottom will allow. I will focus on how it feels to be here with him now. Not how painful it will be without him tomorrow.

...

"Why the hell didn't we do this before now?" I ask the question that has been on my mind since his arms first embraced me last night. Since his lips first found mine.

"Mmnnn… I don't know, but I sure as hell wish we would have." Our swollen lips meet again. So many times in the last twelve hours. Not enough times to make up for the seven years we missed out on. Or on everything we'll soon be missing.

He continues in a husky voice as he lays open mouthed kisses along my jaw, "You were with Alex and I was with Garrett when we met and for how many years after that?"

"Unngghh… th-three for you. Two for me." Speaking is difficult with his mouth suckling my neck… how did I not know the effect he would have on me. Never before have such simple touches sent desire through me at such an overwhelming rate. Savor. I must savor every second of this precious little time that we have left.

"Uh- huh. And then I was single for a while but you were already with Peter… I wanted you so badly back then, but you seemed so happy with him…" He moves to lie on top of me and the feel of his erection against mine almost does me in. But his words ground me, surprising me. My mind reels at what he's just admitted.

"Wh-what?"

"Mm-hmmnnn… so much. And by the time you two broke up I was with Carlilse…"

"Ah… yes. Your fling with Professor Cullen."

"If you want to call a year and a half a fling, but okay…"

"And then we've been so swamped at school…"

"Oh god, yes we have." He chuckles against my neck, sending waves of arousal throughout my body. Everything he does turns me on so damned much. "We've just been lucky to pick up a twink every now and again at the club, haven't we?"

Oh yes... The twinks. Edward's twinks. God, I'd watched him dance with so many boys over the years and take quite a few of them home. Could I have been jealous that entire time without even realizing it? I was doing it myself… just not nearly as often…

"I think I always wanted to, but the fact that we're both tops…" his words become muffled as his mouth latches on to my nipple, my incredibly sensitive nipple.

"Yeah, there was that."

"But you didn't seem to want to top last night when you were begging for me, did you?" I love him cocky like this. So sexy and confident.

"No… no, I didn't, did I?"

"And you seemed to like it… dare I say love it?"

"Yes… oh yes, I loved it very much. Uhhh… obviously." And I had loved the way he filled me, finally as he had the nameless many before me. I'd always loved being a top, but maybe… just maybe I was saving my bottom for Edward.

He continues down my body to my awaiting swollen cock. So needy for his mouth, he knows. Our conversation comes to an end as he takes me in his mouth, for the last time.

...

The taxi is here. I watch Edward place his bags in its trunk. The time has come to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye to my best friend was going to be hard enough. But this… this is different. This is saying goodbye to the love of my life. The all-of-a-sudden, can't-live-without-him-but-have-to love of my life. How do I let him go?

Edward turns toward me as the driver closes the trunk, the mid-morning sun setting his fiery hair aglow with every color of red and brown imaginable. Yet the radiance in his eyes draws my attention. Sparkling green holds me to my spot on the front porch of our brick apartment building, boring into me as he joins me beside the wrought iron railing that I cling to for dear life.

I have to let him go. I know this. But this may be the hardest thing I've ever done. Not begging him to stay. Not dragging him back inside with me, convincing him of how happy we could be. I care for him too much to be that selfish. I must do this. I must watch him leave. I must send him off with a smile on my face.

His lips are on mine as we cling to each other. I open up to him. Open my mouth for his tongue to tangle with mine. Open my heart to show him and anyone else who happens by how very much he means to me.

There are no words to say goodbye so we don't say it. Before I'm ready he's walking toward the taxi, opening the door, turning one more time for one last glance. But instead of disappearing inside the cab, he walks back to me, stopping just below me on the other side of the railing, reaching for my hands and holding them to his face. He's desperate. He's wavering. This is my chance to keep him.

But I can't. I love him. Yes… I do. I love him. So much. And he deserves to follow his dreams. He deserves so much more than staying behind for me. So I smile. And I force this painful smile to reach my eyes. I lie to him. I show him that I'll be okay. That this is right and natural and fine.

And I tell him with simple words. "It'll be okay, Edward. This isn't goodbye forever, only goodbye for now."

He clings to me and searches my soul for truth in my words. And he finds what he needs; he believes. With one last lingering kiss to the top of my hand he lets go.

He lets me go and is gone in that stupid fucking yellow car, around the corner, before I know what's happened. He's gone. So I run the other way. Away from the man I need and love, that I can't have. Toward an uncertain life without him.

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><p><strong>Oh my. No, I won't leave them in love and separated! Of course not! But how can they make it back to one another? <strong>

**Hmmmnnn? So… I will be adding a couple more chapters for these boys. But first I will finally get the next chapter of In the Corner finished, I promise. Those of you who read it know that it is mostly from Jasper's pov and this next chapter is from Edward's pov while he's in Chicago. And this Edward is a quiet fellow when it comes to talking to me. But I hear him and he's telling me he misses Jasper and to get writing so they can be together! Okay! **


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